USB Talking Parrot
Get all the fun of owning a parrot without any of the hassle of feeding or cleaning it’s cage.
The USB talking parrot listens in to what you say and repeats bits of it back in a parrot-like voice whilst flapping it’s wings.
£17 to get idle gossip broadcast to the whole office.
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USB Humping Dog
The USB humping dog is possibly the most useless product we’ve featured so far, it does nothing except hump your computer.
A horny mutt in season and overdosing on doggie Viagara, this little guy goes at it with that sexy little USB port like a sailor on the last day of shore leave.
Just £7 and no vet bills.
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USB Bouncer
“Your name’s not down, you’re not comin’ in!”
The USB Bouncer protects your computer from unsavoury scum. The motion sensor detects movement so when you’re away from your desk some office maggot comes near your desk trying to steal your sandwich, the USB Bouncer gives him an earful before sending him on his merry way.
You just have to slip this guy a tenner in protection money and you’re sorted my son!
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USB Fibre Optic Christmas Tree
To help get you in the Christmas spirit at work when all around you is a crushing sense of dispair and disappointment, maybe a USB Christmas Tree can paper over the deep, deep cracks of broken childhood dreams?
Give it a shot. For only £7, the speed at which your life is freewheeling into the grave might slow..ever so slightly…maybe.
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Tengu
Aaahhh, isn’t he cute!?
“It’s only a puppet!”
This little fella is a karaoke robot that can sit next to your computer and bash out the hits as you play them. He responds to any sound, so even if you are playing music and someone comes up to your desk and starts talking, Tengu will mouth along with them…mockingly.
For £20, what’s not to love?
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USB Whack It
They may look cute and this may seem childish but check out the video of USB Whack it in action, this game ain’t a piece of cake.
You need rapid thumbs, fingers of pure velocity and a quickened mind.
Just £10 for this little ensemble of time-sucking amusement, ideal for any desk drone job. Why not start an inter-departmental league? Paydays will be coming round quicker than you can say “Did I just get a new high score?”
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USB MiniQuarium
I’m not sure why I’m even featuring this. I mean, look at it. It’s a USB Aquarium where you can watch fake jellyfish swim around.
That’s it.
I suppose it’s easy to look after them because you don’t need to clean it or feed them. If you have the IQ of a jellyfish or know someone who has, then this would make the perfect present.
For £11 you can’t go wrong can you?
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USB Glitter Rocket Lamp
A USB Glitter Rocket lamp may not seem the most useful of things to be sitting beside that computerised mass of human ingenuity and technological advancement but it may be just as important.
It will sooth your mind, chill your soul and unburden your worries enabling you to complete your day with consumate ease.
No really, this lamp guarantees all that and more.
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USB Chameleon
When the work is piling up, people are hassling you, clients are annoying you and the boss is generally getting you down, what do you need? A USB Chameleon, that’s what.
This little thing will sit on top of your monitor keeping an eye out for flies and other little bugs, roll his eyes around independently of each other and also stick his tongue out.
This chameleon has not been blessed with the talent of changing colour to blend into his surroundings but that’s probably a good thing as you’d lose him.
